Flutters (17w4d)

I have been feeling flutters for a couple of weeks now. At first, I wasn't sure if I knew what I was feeling or if I was imagining it. The first time (and most times since then), I was laying on my stomach and felt these little tap-tap-taps where my belly was pressed to the mattress. I guess I was squishing baby. Hmm.

Since then, I've felt it almost every day. Usually when I'm in bed, either falling asleep or just waking up. When everything is quiet and still, it happens: tap-tap-tap.

It's a strange feeling, like nothing I've ever felt. Difficult to describe, even. I've heard it described as butterfly wings (poetic) and hunger pains (biological) and gas (just gross), but it's not like any of those. It feels like what it is-- something foreign and alien living inside me.

Sometimes that thought creeps me out a bit. I know I'm supposed to love every minute of pregnancy and declare it to be a miracle, but I don't always (or even usually) feel that way. It's hard to get used to this notion of hosting another living thing inside my body. These mild flutters are a bit disconcerting, I'm not sure how the full-on assault of kicks and punches will affect me. I suppose I'll get used to it and look forward to those moments (but not when I'm trying to sleep!), but for now, it's all a bit new and strange.

And as I write this, I feel it again: tap-tap-tap.

Hello, baby. Hope everything is okay in there.