Well, I've finally reached the next to the last milestone in pregnancy: I'm officially full term. After all the other milestones-- the pregnancy tests, making it through the crucial first trimester, the genetic tests, the half-way point and the 20 week anatomy scan ultrasound, getting through the second trimester, reaching the point where the baby had viability outside the womb, getting the nursery set up, and all the rest-- it's hard to believe I'm here, with three weeks (or less) to go. I'm going to be somebody's mother. That's just crazy.
There is only one milestone left to go: birth! Then the real adventures begin...
The Babies!
Showing posts with label third trimester. Show all posts
Showing posts with label third trimester. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Time Goes By (36w1d)
Somehow, it's gotten to be November. Autumn, my favorite time of year because it means fall leaves and cooler weather and Thanksgiving and Sheri. I think back to March and knowing I was pregnant even before the pregnancy test came up positive. Then June, when I knew it was a boy even before the CVS test results confirmed it.
What I didn't know was that Jay would be deploying this year. There were a couple of precious months over the summer when we thought he'd be able to stay behind. Then August came and the plan changed and my world started to fall apart and then fell apart completely when he left October 1.
I can't really even describe the feelings associated with Jay leaving because I'm still going through it, still processing it, still living it. Depression doesn't quite begin to describe it, though. It's more than that. It's sadness and loss and feeling like the weight of the world-- not just the weight of a baby-- is on my shoulders. Which sounds hopelessly clingy and pathetic to my independent brain, but it has nothing to do with dependence and everything to do with a sense of how things should be. And this isn't it.
So, I haven't blogged during this pregnancy as much as I thought I would. I haven't been as happy or excited as I should be-- or at least as happy and excited as others think I should be. I don't know that it's entirely because Jay is deployed and I will be taking care of the baby by myself for six months until he's home, though that's a huge part of it. Hard to be happy and excited when I know how hard it's going to be to do all of this on my own. But I also think it's my nature to be a bit subdued with big changes-- even changes I want-- until I see how it goes. I'm mentally gearing up for this experience, knowing it will be demanding and exhausting and at times scary (having no one to offer a second opinion when it seems the baby is sick or feverish or morphing into Rosemary's Baby, for instance) and that doesn't leave a lot of room for excitement. Do I sound terribly cynical? Probably.
But when it comes to the pregnancy itself, I have no real complaints. Even with the gestational diabetes complication, it's been relatively easy. The GD is a bit of an annoyance, but it's manageable through diet. I had my followup on Tuesday and my numbers are good enough that I don't need medication. Other than the occasional freak out by my doctor when my blood pressure went up (stress will do that to a person, you know-- especially one who internalizes her emotions the way I do) and the early genetic testing because of my age and previous miscarriages, everything has gone beautifully. (The "so far" is assumed, right?)
I had my 36 week appointment yesterday. Everything is great except my iron-- baby seems to be sucking it out of me, despite an additional supplement. He also hasn't dropped yet and my cervix is still closed and firm-- not unusual for a first baby, but I was kind of hoping for some progress. Of course, I have been joking that this baby isn't coming until his father gets home, so maybe on some level he understands that I don't want to do this alone. I love that Sheri will be here and having a doula gives me some peace, but I will still feel alone if Jay isn't here. And if that makes me clingy and pathetic, so be it.
What I didn't know was that Jay would be deploying this year. There were a couple of precious months over the summer when we thought he'd be able to stay behind. Then August came and the plan changed and my world started to fall apart and then fell apart completely when he left October 1.
I can't really even describe the feelings associated with Jay leaving because I'm still going through it, still processing it, still living it. Depression doesn't quite begin to describe it, though. It's more than that. It's sadness and loss and feeling like the weight of the world-- not just the weight of a baby-- is on my shoulders. Which sounds hopelessly clingy and pathetic to my independent brain, but it has nothing to do with dependence and everything to do with a sense of how things should be. And this isn't it.
So, I haven't blogged during this pregnancy as much as I thought I would. I haven't been as happy or excited as I should be-- or at least as happy and excited as others think I should be. I don't know that it's entirely because Jay is deployed and I will be taking care of the baby by myself for six months until he's home, though that's a huge part of it. Hard to be happy and excited when I know how hard it's going to be to do all of this on my own. But I also think it's my nature to be a bit subdued with big changes-- even changes I want-- until I see how it goes. I'm mentally gearing up for this experience, knowing it will be demanding and exhausting and at times scary (having no one to offer a second opinion when it seems the baby is sick or feverish or morphing into Rosemary's Baby, for instance) and that doesn't leave a lot of room for excitement. Do I sound terribly cynical? Probably.
But when it comes to the pregnancy itself, I have no real complaints. Even with the gestational diabetes complication, it's been relatively easy. The GD is a bit of an annoyance, but it's manageable through diet. I had my followup on Tuesday and my numbers are good enough that I don't need medication. Other than the occasional freak out by my doctor when my blood pressure went up (stress will do that to a person, you know-- especially one who internalizes her emotions the way I do) and the early genetic testing because of my age and previous miscarriages, everything has gone beautifully. (The "so far" is assumed, right?)
I had my 36 week appointment yesterday. Everything is great except my iron-- baby seems to be sucking it out of me, despite an additional supplement. He also hasn't dropped yet and my cervix is still closed and firm-- not unusual for a first baby, but I was kind of hoping for some progress. Of course, I have been joking that this baby isn't coming until his father gets home, so maybe on some level he understands that I don't want to do this alone. I love that Sheri will be here and having a doula gives me some peace, but I will still feel alone if Jay isn't here. And if that makes me clingy and pathetic, so be it.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Who Knows? (33w1d)
With less than seven weeks to go, it feels like the clock is ticking even louder and faster these days. I have lists and more lists, trying to get as organized as possible. Is it possible? Who knows, but it makes the days fly by to live by a list.
I'm tired all the time now. I'm sure it's a combination of factors that make me feel like I'm walking through molasses most of the time, but the afternoon naps of the first trimester are baaaack. I don't mind too much-- except when it interferes with getting those lists crossed off.
Every piece of advice I'm given gets filed away for future reference. People I hardly know offer their help in the form of phone numbers on slips of paper and e-mails and Facebook messages. It's hard to imagine me calling on anyone for help (and if you know me, you're nodding in agreement), but I take all of the offers seriously. Again, who knows what the future will bring? I might very well find it necessary to call the wife (whom I've never met) of the guy who comes Starbucks to work on his classwork for his graduate program. God, I can't even imagine how bad things would have to be for that scenario to come true. But I appreciate the offer of assistance.
Everyone asks if Jay will be here for the birth. Um... who knows? My life, at least this portion of my life, is a great big neon question mark right now. I smile and shrug and say we hope so. There's not much I can do about that right now. Baby is on his own schedule and will be here when he gets here (unless my OB has his way and induces me-- which I'm fighting). Hopefully he'll be kind enough to give me a warning-- or take his sweet time once he starts his journey (though I'm not sure how I feel about being in labor for a day or two)-- and Jay will be here. If not, Jay will be here shortly after. In either case, I will be here and baby will be here and really, no matter what I might want, that's all that's required for this particular equation.
So I work on my lists and nap as my body demands and rub my stomach and tell baby to hang out for awhile and not arrive early. All of the questions will be answered soon enough-- at least the ones about his birthday and the guests in attendance. For a little while, everything will seem clear and then all of those parenting questions will start and I'll be back to saying "Who knows?" soon enough.
I'm tired all the time now. I'm sure it's a combination of factors that make me feel like I'm walking through molasses most of the time, but the afternoon naps of the first trimester are baaaack. I don't mind too much-- except when it interferes with getting those lists crossed off.
Every piece of advice I'm given gets filed away for future reference. People I hardly know offer their help in the form of phone numbers on slips of paper and e-mails and Facebook messages. It's hard to imagine me calling on anyone for help (and if you know me, you're nodding in agreement), but I take all of the offers seriously. Again, who knows what the future will bring? I might very well find it necessary to call the wife (whom I've never met) of the guy who comes Starbucks to work on his classwork for his graduate program. God, I can't even imagine how bad things would have to be for that scenario to come true. But I appreciate the offer of assistance.
Everyone asks if Jay will be here for the birth. Um... who knows? My life, at least this portion of my life, is a great big neon question mark right now. I smile and shrug and say we hope so. There's not much I can do about that right now. Baby is on his own schedule and will be here when he gets here (unless my OB has his way and induces me-- which I'm fighting). Hopefully he'll be kind enough to give me a warning-- or take his sweet time once he starts his journey (though I'm not sure how I feel about being in labor for a day or two)-- and Jay will be here. If not, Jay will be here shortly after. In either case, I will be here and baby will be here and really, no matter what I might want, that's all that's required for this particular equation.
So I work on my lists and nap as my body demands and rub my stomach and tell baby to hang out for awhile and not arrive early. All of the questions will be answered soon enough-- at least the ones about his birthday and the guests in attendance. For a little while, everything will seem clear and then all of those parenting questions will start and I'll be back to saying "Who knows?" soon enough.
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