No More Sucking It In (16w2d)

It's a fact that we women spend most of our lives sucking it in. "It" meaning our stomachs. Whether a size 2 or a size 22, most women suck it in without even thinking about it. We've been conditioned since childhood to pull those stomach muscles in lest we look fat. The woman who doesn't suck it in is either very self-confident, very drunk or very skinny.

I am neither a size 2 (ha!), nor a size 22 (though I might be by the time this baby is born), but I'm as guilty of sucking it in as any other woman who grew up reading Seventeen and graduated to Cosmopolitan. No matter what size I've ever been-- and it's been quite a range over the years-- it's been an unconscious reaction to pull in my stomach when I stand up. But now, at just over sixteen weeks pregnant, I have discovered something:

I can't suck it in anymore.

I know, I know. I'm pregnant and I don't have to suck it in. What can I say? Old habits die hard and without the obvious baby bump, I just felt fat.

Even though I've only gained 7 pounds so far, it's been at least two weeks since I could suck it all in. There is a noticeable bump below my bellybutton now and there is just no sucking it in. But up until a few days ago, I still had the ability to suck in my upper stomach. It didn't really make much of a difference, but there was some comfort in that reflexive motion that let me know I was still in control of my body, even if there are bizarre changes going on inside.

No more. Baby is in charge now. He probably always was, but at least I had the illusion of control for a little while.

I bought my first real pair of maternity pants yesterday. I know I'm pregnant, but that single act kind of slammed it home for me. I'm only going to get bigger. I strapped on the fake baby bump (which simulates three months of additional baby growth) and I was huge. Ginormous. Frightening. I'm not ready for that.

I guess I'll have to get ready, since apparently that's what I'll look like in three months. Right now, I'm just trying to get used to the idea that I can't suck it in anymore.