There Really is a Baby in There (12w0d)

I am too emotionally and physically exhausted to write a detailed blog post of my maternal fetal medicine appointment today, so I'll save it for tomorrow. I wasn't able to get all the testing I wanted, so I'll need to wait for some blood work and schedule another appointment. Basically, I don't know much more now than I did before the appointment. Frustrating, to say the least.

I did get another ultrasound (the NT scan) and got to marvel at how much the baby has developed in just a couple of weeks. He or she was wriggling around in there like crazy (and being rebellious about moving into the right position for the test). It was great to see-- and to hear the heart beating at 146 beats per minute. As I said when I first saw it-- I guess I really am pregnant. One of these days, the reality might sink in.

I'll post all of the pictures later, but this one is my favorite.

Waiting for Wednesday (11w5d)

My maternal fetal medicine appointment is Wednesday afternoon. It promises to be a fun-filled afternoon (ha!) of genetic counseling, blood work, tests and an ultrasound. The only part of it I'm really looking forward to is the ultrasound. It will be nice to see the baby wriggling around, reminding me that I really am pregnant. Another picture (or two) to add to my collection and to send to Jay. One of these days, he'll be home for an ultrasound.

Wednesday is going to be a stressful afternoon, likely followed by a stressful week as I wait for test results. But then... then I will be able to breathe when I find out everything is fine and the baby is healthy. I might even be ready to go public with the news (meaning on my blog and Facebook and Twitter, since pretty much everyone who knows me in real life already knows I'm pregnant).

I am trying to stay calm and optimistic, but the fears creep in. I dreamed I went to the hospital because I knew something was wrong with the baby. I ended up at Seattle Grace, home of Grey's Anatomy. They were very comforting (I remember Callie and George, in particular) and told me everything was fine and the baby's heartbeat was strong.

I found out last week that Jae and Shannon are pregnant. With Shannon around 8 weeks behind me and Wendy 2 weeks ahead of me, it's hard not to think about the future and the potential of having two friends with babies the same age. Playdates and babysitting swaps and maybe even vacations-- it would be nice not to go through this process alone. Fingers crossed that it works out for all of us.

I don't know when the worries will stop. Probably never. But I am almost through the first trimester and I know that once this week is over and I have reached that mile marker, I will feel like at least one weight has been lifted. And that's something to look forward to, isn't it?